Ladders

While I don't mind the ones that are like 'A' shaped, since there's a relatively small chance of falling off, I hate the 'old-school' ladders. You prop them against a wall and half-way up they inevitably slip down the surface of the wall and you get royally hurt. Oh man. I wouldn't go up one of those.

For those of you thinking that 'Health & Safety Tool' would be a great career for me, I rebuff such a statement. I don't want to be RESPONSIBLE for pointing out all the calamitous catalysts in everyday life. Imagine such a responsibility. "That sand looks sharp". "A 2b pencil? No thank you" It would literally turn you into a massive tool.

No, the ladders I am referring to are those metaphorical ones. Career ladders. You climb up, get to the top, and wobble along to another, taller ladder. Then you move up some more, waddle to the next one. It's very exciting. In some careers, like the glamorous world of being a PR or working for a dodgy pyramid scheme, it is advised to grease the rungs as you climb so that nobody can pursue your job. Kicking those beneath you is not spoken of, but it happens. Duh.

As a student with but four days of his student life remaining, I am thinking about the metaphorical ladder. And how the first rung is actually the most difficult to grip onto - it's covered in pigeon crap, if you will. And it's higher up than the other ones, unless you're on a pyramid scheme, in which case you are gently lifted onto the first rung by an evil-looking employer, giving you a naive sense of achievement and accomplishment. Typically, his surname has the word money in it, making him a more Dickensian figure of evil. 'Moneygrabb', 'Pennygood' or 'Goldstein' are all excellent examples.

Now I have been offered a pretty decent 3-month internship in good ol' LDN. I like London, it can help me stoke the fires of my freelance work and you know, I imagine my life would play out like a fun sitcom. Thick northern bloke struggles in expensive capital city! Quirky flatmates, irritable old landlady ala The Mask. The internship also probably definitely might should lead to a full time job. But?

There's always a but. And hearing the 'but' to something brilliant is always somewhat painful; I'd equate it to chewing on a bumble bee. Furry, fuzzy, sharp, stingy.

3 month internship, but it's unpaid.

"We'll give you £25 a week for travel expenses," explained Mr Editor Of Magazine.

"That's nice," I said. That might cover the cost of my lunch.

"I got my first job here after an internship," he explained.

"How did you survive on an unpaid internship?" I asked. We'd gotten a good rapport going during the chat on the phone today, so I felt confident asking.

"I worked in a shoe shop on Saturdays and Sundays. Oh, but I had to couch-surf for the three months. London is expensive."

Is that the extent of Rung #1? Sleeping on a settee, working 7 days a week and not even having enough pennies for alcohol to numb the pain? Never mind the part where you fit shoes for irksome teens.

Entirely plausible, such a situation. If there's a job at the end of it, one which sounds as cool as this one, then that's cushty. But are companies allowed to do that - not pay you for three months of subbing, commissioning, pitching, phone-answering, content-writing and such? Mr Editor of Magazine explained that the internship was pretty 'full on'. How do they get away with not paying people? I'd understand if it was a tea-making, facebook-surfing work exp thing, where you don't do anything credible whatsoever.

"You seem pretty capable of handling the music desk yourself for the last month or so," explained Mr E.o.M.

FOR FREE!? I cried. In my head, of course.

According to Internbridge.com, a company that conducts a lot of internship research, 18% of 12,000 internships investigated were unpaid. I actually expected it to be a bit more, but I suppose journalism and similar internships make up a minority of internships overall. The UK Government defines an internship as being under 12 months, whereas many graduate schemes are exactly 12 months and over, and are therefore paid.

But journalism, as well as many arts, media and education based fields, just can't afford to pay their interns. But on the flip side, who can afford to fund a multi-month internship? London has all the journo jobs in the UK; if you go across the water to the US, Aus, Japan, even the Moon; you have to add in flight (/spaceship) costs, currency conversions, accommodation. Added to the fact that many people are happy to work for free, companies are certainly shying away from helping their excitable little interns clamber up the ladder.

It seems many of us will have to be content with attempting this first rung on the ladder many times. But this rung has not been coated in treacle or pigeon crap and it carries no electric current. Instead, you have to fork out about £3,000* to simply hold onto it..


*Official Survey. (!?!)